We’ve all learned that fresh-squeezed citrus is non-negotiable, it’s become dead easy to get good rums and syrups, and we’ve got great recipes. So why does that drink still not seem quite right? It may be that there’s just one final hurdle standing between you and a fantastic tropical cocktail, and it’s in the shaking step.

I encounter it often: a tropical drink that’s just a bit too heavy, a touch cloying. It’s probably short on two ingredients: water and air. Those two ingredients don’t stand out when you’re scanning the recipe, but they’re both important and worth some care.

Here’s the very short version of how to fix it: Use more ice; shake longer. Go heavy on both counts, it’s not time to be shy.

Now, some background:

Let’s zip back in history for a moment, to when Donn Beach was first serving these drinks. Why, here’s a convenient picture! See that row of small appliances on the shelf in front of him, all the way to the right of the picture? Those are drink mixers, like you’d make milkshakes with. A lot of those old Don the Beachcomber recipes say to “blend for 5 seconds.” These aren’t blended drinks, in the slushy sense. I have one of these mixers from 1934, and it’s not powerful enough to break up the ice. What it’s really doing is shaking the bejeezus out of your drink, really quickly. It’s agitating all of that crushed ice and liquid, which melts some of that ice, introduces a fair amount of air (especially if the drink has pineapple juice in it), and gets the drink good and cold. The lower temperature, the dilution, the air: those three factors bring a lightness into the taste and feel of your drink.

So, you don’t have one of these mixers. I don’t either. I mean, I have that 1934 mixer, but I don’t trust it to not start a fire, frankly. You could buy a modern drink mixer, but most people just shake in tins. People can get really beautifully nerdy about their choice of shaking equipment and technique (and can get exquisitely nerdy about the science of what’s happening inside the tin), but all you need to know for now is that you’re gonna shake a lot.

First off: use crushed ice. I use a Waring Pro ice crusher, but a canvas bag (a.k.a. a “Lewis bag“) and a mallet will work fine, too. If you were to use full cubes, you would be working with less surface area on your ice: less melting, less cooling, and there would also be less agitation to bring in that air.

Load up your shaking tin with ice. You don’t want to put in so much ice that you can’t fit your shaking tin together, but you want to be up in that neighborhood.

Shake, shake, shake. [Dated Taylor Swift reference or even more dated Outkast reference here.] You want to shake until you feel the outside of your tin getting cold. I don’t count or time my shakes, but you could experiment and come up with a time/number that works for you. I just shake until it feels a little silly that I’m still shaking, and then I shake a little more.

When you’re ready to pour the drink into the glass, go ahead and use the ice that’s in the shaker, no need to pour it over fresh crushed ice. If you have more ice in your tin than will fit in the glass, then stop pouring when the glass is nearly full, then use a Hawthorne strainer to get the last bit of liquid into the glass.

I can’t leave you looking at that awful picture of me shaking, so here’s a palate cleanser shaker shot.

As I mentioned above, people can get beautifully nerdy about ice and shaking; I fully expect some of those voices to chime in with notes that contradict some of what I’ve laid out here, and that’s welcome. Listen to those voices, too, and experiment. Even if you don’t feel like these tips have made your drinks better, you’ll have fun drinking the failed experiments.

The flagship Trader Vic’s location, in Emeryville, California, is seeking help from the community as they present their case against some special legislation being proposed at a City Council meeting next Tuesday, December 1.

This Trader Vic’s location is like no other: it is owned and operated by Victor Bergeron’s family (the other locations in the chain operated under special franchise or partnership agreements). Trader Vic’s has been an important anchor in the Bay Area dining scene going back all the way to 1934; it was in 1972 that the original Oakland location closed and the restaurant moved to the marina-side Emeryville spot. It sits nearly alone at the very end of a spit of land in San Francisco Bay… nearly alone. It is neighbored by a small complex of condominiums. Some of these neighbors have lodged a complaint about hearing music coming from the Trader Vic’s, leading to a proposed amendment to Emeryville’s Cabaret Ordinance, which has covered nightclubs, not restaurants.

As we’ve discussed before on Critiki News, live music has played a significant role in the history of Polynesian restaurants. Trader Vic’s carries on this tradition, regularly hosting live bands in their bar, and providing music for special events and weddings at the restaurant. Personally, being able to hear Fisherman Trio playing Exotica classics in the bar at Trader Vic’s has been a special thrill. Losing the ability to have music at Trader Vic’s would be a blow to the business, and to the community.

Trader Vic’s is asking for support at the Emeryville City Council meeting where the change to the law will be discussed. It’s happening next Tuesday, December 1, at 7:15 p.m. at 1333 Park Ave., Emeryville. They also have prepared a letter, and are asking people to add their name to the letter in support. If you’re able, individual letters may have even more impact: here is the directory for Emeryville’s City Council, with email addresses for each member (and a phone number, too).

• Trader Vic’s plea for support [Trader Vic’s mailing list]
• Support Trader Vic’s letter [Trader Vic’s website]
• Emeryville City Council directory [City of Emeryville website]
• Trader Vic’s in Emeryville [Critiki]
• What Music Was Played in Polynesian Restaurants and Tiki Bars? [Critiki News]

Need the perfect tiki wrapping paper to go with that perfect tiki gift you’ve found? How about some tiki Christmas cards?

Sophista-tiki (a.k.a. Dawn Frasier) has been a fixture in the tiki art scene since before there was a tiki art scene. She’s conquered a variety of arenas: she paints, she makes aloha shirts, she makes handbags, she makes neckties, she makes party decorations, she makes rugs, and she has designed some outstanding fabric patterns… which are also available as wrapping paper, via Spoonflower. This year, she’s created a great new tapa-and-tikis design just for Christmas, available in red, green or white. A 26″x72″ roll of wrapping paper is $15. The same design is also used for her “Snappy Holidays” greeting cards, which have a little touch of silver glitter to really nail that mid-century holiday look. The greeting cards are available from Etsy in sets of three with 15 gift tags.

(Need help finding that perfect tiki gift? Check out the Critiki Gift Guide for 2015!)

• Sophista-tiki holiday wrapping paper [Spoonflower]
• Sophista-tiki holiday greeting cards [Etsy]
• Sophista-tiki [Facebook page]

Do you have trouble figuring out what to get for the tiki lover in your life? Maybe one of these ideas will sound like just the thing.

For the home tiki bartender:

Rum

I know that tight-stomach feeling when you’re faced with a wall of unfamiliar bottles at the liquor store. Let’s make it easy for you.

Here’s my dead simple rule of thumb for buying rum blind: look for a brand you recognize, at a price point you’re comfortable paying, and then find a different rum, one you don’t recognize, at about that same price point. In the world of rum, if you’re not paying for the company’s mega marketing budget, you’re more likely to be buying some good—or at least interesting—product.

Ready to get a little more involved in your search? People who are making tiki drinks can always use more aged Martinique or Demerara rums. Martinique means rums from the island of Martinique, and Demerara means rums from the Demerara river region of Guyana. Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t find Martinique or Demerara rums, they can be a little hard to find. Start your search at a nicer liquor store, or at least one with a pretty big selection.

Just want a list of brands to look for? I don’t want to send you on a wild goose chase, many of these brands have limited distribution and may not even be available in your state. But here are some rum brands that tend to be popular with the tiki crowd: Clement, La Favorite, Neisson, Rhum J.M., Saint James, El Dorado, Hamilton (especially the 151), Denizen Merchant’s Reserve, Banks, Lost Spirits, Smith & Cross.

If you want to order some rum and have it shipped, Hi-Time in Costa Mesa has a great online selection, and can ship pretty economically (in particular, they have a great flat-rate deal within CA, AZ and NV.)
• Hi-Time website

Quality drink syrups

Tiki drinks call for some very specific syrups, and not everyone has the patience, ability or desire to make them at home. Luckily, we don’t have to anymore: we have B.G. Reynolds. B.G. Reynolds is owned by Blair Reynolds, longtime tiki drink fanatic, and owner of the celebrated Hale Pele in Portland, Oregon. The entire B.G. Reynolds line of syrups would be put to quick use by any home tiki bartender.
• B.G. Reynolds website

Another excellent purveyor of drink syrups is Small Hand Foods, which is particularly well-known for its orgeat, and they have just added passion fruit syrup to their line. Owner Jennifer Colliau is well-known in the bar industry for her intense focus on quality.
• Small Hand Foods website

Beachbum Berry barware

Beachbum Berry has partnered with Cocktail Kingdom to produce a great line of tiki-specific barware. There’s a special mold for making ice cones for Navy Grogs, beautiful vintage-style Pearl Diver glasses, swizzle cups for making a just-so 151 Swizzle… there’s more, and it’s all of excellent quality.
• Cocktail Kingdom website

An ice crusher

Many (most?) tiki drinks call for crushed ice, and it really does make a difference in how the drink turns out. But crushing ice can be a pain! Having an easy way to crush ice is a game changer. For the smaller budget, a Lewis bag and a mallet are wonderful tools, and easy to use. If you’re wanting to splurge a bit, I use an electric ice crusher, the Waring Pro Professional Ice Crusher. The Waring Pro is the one most of us home tiki bartenders use, it’s a great little workhorse and has served me well for years now.

A drink mixer

In my recent article about the importance of shaking your tiki drinks well, I mentioned I don’t have a drink mixer. Lots of friends chimed in with the drink mixer they use, and several people suggested this inexpensive Hamilton Beach Drink Mixer. If you want to level up to what the pros use, the Hamilton Beach commercial model is what is in use at Smuggler’s Cove.  If you REALLY want to go over-the-top, there’s a three-spindle version. If you know and love Craig Hermann, he is dreaming of a three-spindle Hamilton Beach drink mixer in mint green. (If one of my relatives is reading this, I think I’d like that simple, inexpensive drink mixer in black!)

A juicer

Tiki bartenders spend a lot of time juicing citrus. You want a juicer that presses the citrus; the style that spin are okay, but they can grind into the pith a bit and make the juice bitter. I bought an old Juice King off of eBay, but among the modern products there are many citrus presses to choose from; this Jupiter model looks pretty good.

For the home tiki bar builder:

A tiki lamp by Kahaka

Kahaka (a.k.a. Woody Greenwood) has been making tiki lamps for many years now, and he just keeps getting better and better. his warm-light constructions use wood, bamboo, tapa cloth, resin, and other materials to create gorgeous lights that become anchors in the decoration of a tiki bar. Look through some of the lamps he’s made in the past, and order your own by emailing jchadgreenwood@yahoo.com.
• Kahaka lamps on Flickr

A custom carved tiki

A tiki bar has to have some tikis! I suspect most home tiki bar owners have a tiki they’re dreaming of, one that doesn’t exist yet, but that they’d like to have carved for them. This is a very special gift, it won’t come cheaply, but it would become a treasured centerpiece in your loved one’s special space. Plan on spending about $100-200/foot, it will cost more for greater detail. Tastes in tiki carvings can be very personal; rather than direct you to a carver, I will instead suggest that you have the gift recipient make the decisions and arrangements for having the carving done, your gift will be footing the bill. If your gift recipient needs help finding a carver, I would love to try to help you find a good carver near you, email me at humuhumu@critiki.com.

An eBay gift card

The thrill of the hunt is strong in tikiphiles, but sometimes you just want to have what your heart desires, now. eBay to the rescue! An eBay gift card will let your loved one buy some weird little doodad you would never have selected yourself, but that they just KNOW they need, badly.
• eBay gift card

Hardware store gift card

Just as with any other home improvement project, you are never, ever done with trips to the hardware store. You can be sure that a gift card to their favorite local hardware store will get used.

For the tiki jetsetter:

Vintage aloha wear

Many tiki travelers bop around the world visiting some of the outrageously fun tiki weekenders that happen all over the place. And one of the most fun things about these gatherings are the bright pops of vintage color seen on shirts and dresses. Aloha wear can be tricky to find locally, don’t expect to be able to walk into any old store and find something. These days, it’s easiest to find vintage aloha wear on eBay or Etsy. If you know your gift recipient’s measurements, and feel confident you know their tastes, then shop away… but a safer bet will be a gift card.
• eBay gift card
• Etsy gift card

Tiki luggage tags

Tiki Tabby Totes makes some snazzy luggage tags, I adore my little Tiki Bob tag. Other designs include a coconut monkey, a Witco-inspired globe, a pufferfish, and more.
• Tiki Tabby Totes on Etsy

A Tiki Tabby purse

Tiki Tabby‘s main attraction are the amazing, AMAZING purses. They’re a splurge, but they are showstoppers and worth it. I’m particularly in love with this gorgeous one-of-a-kind Papua New Guinea style purse. I could never cheat on my darling Bamboo Handbag, so I need you guys to buy these and parade around with them so I can enjoy them vicariously.
• Tiki Tabby Totes on Etsy

A Sophista-tiki outfit

Sophista-tiki (a.k.a. Dawn Frasier) is a longtime tiki artist, who designs her own beautiful fabrics, and sews them into shirts, blouses, neckties and matching handbags. See her (massive!) fabric selection on Spoonflower, and then place your order for an item made with her fabric through her Etsy store.
• Sophista-tiki on Spoonflower
• Sophista-tiki on Etsy

For the budding musician:

A ukulele from Ukuleles of Felton

Ukuleles of Felton has been around for five years now, but its owner, Tiki King, has been part of the tiki and uke scenes for far, far longer. Felton is a little town in the mountains above Santa Cruz, California. No need to make your way to Felton, the friendly Tiki King can help you via phone or email. When I wanted to buy a ukulele for my mom earlier this year, it was Tiki King who helped me. Without my even having to get out of bed, I emailed him, he helped me choose what to get her, and then he shipped it to her in Oregon. He even has some sweet custom tiki models.
• Ukuleles of Felton website

But what about tiki mugs?

Ah, tiki mugs! All the world’s tikiphiles need tiki mugs. So, here’s the deal: there are so many wonderful tiki mug artists out there these days, that it would take a whole article just to scratch the surface, and I don’t want to leave anyone out. Plus, you don’t know what your loved one already has, or what their heart desires (unless your tiki lover is on Ooga-Mooga, then you’re in luck). Absolutely, get your tiki loving friend a tiki mug, but the way you’ll want to do it is by flat-out asking what they want, or paying close attention to the hints they’re dropping.

Now that you’ve got the just-right gift, wrap it up in the just-right tiki gift wrap!

A flicker of lovely new tiki comes just as a second Seattle tiki bar is now facing closure due to property redevelopment. Back in September, it was the Lava Lounge (read on for an update on that), and now comes word from Seattle Met that Hula Hula is facing a similar fate. Keith Robbins owns both Hula Hula and the neighboring bar, Tini Bigs; both are housed in a 1929 brick building that is being sold. The sale has not yet closed (and isn’t scheduled to until April), but already the new owner has a proposal underway with the city to redevelop the lot. Robbins hopes they will be able to remain open until December 3, 2016, when Tini Bigs will celebrate its 20th anniversary. (A personal note: I spent the first 30 years of my life in Seattle, and still think of Tini Bigs as “that new martini bar.” And Hula Hula is “that place that took over the Romper Room.”)

But there’s a turquoise-and-gold lining to this cloud, thanks to the Diller Room, downtown across from the Seattle Art Museum. The Diller Room isn’t a tiki bar, but they do love their tiki (bartender Justin Wojslaw was a finalist in Iron Tikitender at Tiki Kon this year). The folks at the Diller Room were inspired by the Critiki News article earlier this year about creating your own custom tiki glassware (a personal note: hey, neat!), and they partnered with artist Tony Canepa and South Pacific Promotions to create these snazzy Zombie glasses. The design uses the classic mid-century glassware color combo of turquoise and gold, with a great big tiki, and (yes yes yes) the Space Needle. They can be yours for $15, or better yet get one with a drink from the Diller Room’s tropical drink menu for $25.

And the latest news about the Lava Lounge is good: it may be safe. The development plan is on ice, thanks to the ruling of historical significance of the building it’s attached to.

While we’re on the subject of Seattle area tiki, let’s shine the spotlight on a steady spot that you need to visit, just because it’s great: Tacoma Cabana. That’s right, the shining star of Seattle tiki isn’t in Seattle, it’s found a smidge to the south. Jason Alexander is deeply, deeply passionate about tiki drinks, and his little tikified corner of Tacoma is only getting better. Make the trip down there, it’s worth it. And bring back more pictures of Tacoma Cabana for Critiki!

And a touch more Seattle tiki: pictures and ratings have started to come in to Critiki for Bothell’s new North Shore Lagoon; check them out on Critiki and add your own.

• Hula Hula in Seattle [Critiki]
• The Tini Bigs and Hula Hula Building Is Slated for Redevelopment [Seattle Met]
• Tacoma Cabana in Tacoma [Critiki]
• North Shore Lagoon in Bothell [Critiki]
• Lava Lounge in Seattle [Critiki]
• Seattle’s Lava Lounge Targeted for Redevelopment [Critiki News]
• How to Get Custom Glassware for Your Tiki Bar [Critiki News]
• Diller Room [Facebook]
• Tony Canepa
• South Pacific Promotions

This is a Kickstarter project you’ll want to take a look at: The WitchDoctor. I’ll make this quick, because you need to mosey over to Kickstarter and get to work. We want this one to happen, guys. It’s stop-motion animated short in a tiki wonderland! I’ve listed my religion on Facebook as “Rankin/Bass” so there’s no mistake that this is right up my alley, but I bet you’ll be into it, too.

They know what they’re doing, they’re not rookies, they do great work, the Screen Novelties studio has a solid track record in stop-motion animation. This is low-risk, we just have to throw a little money at them and we get to have this thing!

These guys genuinely know and love tiki, too. Don’t listen to me, just go watch their Kickstarter video already.

The rewards are pretty fun: tiki mugs, ViewMaster reels, a shrunken head kit! Come on, let’s do this. At this writing, they’ve raised $32,613 of their $60,000 goal, and they have until Tuesday, December 15 to do it.

• The WitchDoctor [Kickstarter]

Two years ago, Poly Hai shared this wonderful shop class how-to for creating your very own tiki menorah, using tiki mugs from your collection. There is also a photo album, with clear pictures for each step. Hanukkah starts this Sunday at sundown… you have this weekend to get it built!

If you aren’t already familiar with Poly Hai: it’s a virtual high school, providing tiki education through classes that take place mainly via Facebook. It’s a great follow! Every year they also put out a real-world annual you can purchase. Poly Hai is a lot of fun for the cheeky tikiphile.

Love the idea, but don’t have it in you to build one? Maybe… coloring is more your speed these days? Tiki tOny has you covered. He’s included the Poly Hai tiki mug menorah as one of twenty holiday tiki scenes in his new coloring book. He’ll have it available for sale at a few Southern California craft events this month, or available for download next week: stay tuned to Tiki tOny’s Instagram for more details.

• Tiki Mug Menorah by Poly Hai [Facebook]
• Tiki Mug Menorah Project Step-by-Step by Poly Hai [Facebook]
• Poly Hai [Facebook]
• Tiki Mug Menorah by Tiki tOny [Instagram]
• Tiki tOny’s Holiday Coloring Book [Instagram]
• Tiki tOny [official website]
• @tikitony [Instagram]

Critiki member ronsteve has added a souvenir photo, and its folder, to the Critiki listing for Hawaii Kai in New York City. This photo was taken in August 1977, a summer that was particularly volatile in New York City. The whole country was suffering from an economic downturn, the first to come after many post-WWII boom years. There was a heat wave. There was a massive, city-wide outage just weeks earlier, in July, which led to widespread looting, vandalism and arson. Son of Sam, a brutal serial killer, had been on the loose and was dominating headlines; he was arrested on August 11.

These people in this photo, they are enjoying a tropical escape of the highest order. Well, maybe not quite the highest… these fine folks appear to be sticking to water. Can’t blame them for wanting to keep their wits about them.

I particularly love that the photo folder proudly states Hawaii Kai is “New York’s newest and most beautiful Polynesian restaurant,” a claim that would have been correct when the large bulk order of these folders was probably placed in the ’60s, but by the time of this photo Hawaii Kai had already been around for 15 years, and upstart Jade Island had been around for five. Okay, okay, maybe your typical Manhattanite wouldn’t have counted Staten Island as really being part of New York. And I’ll grant it probably still had a lock on “most beautiful,” you can read all about it in the Critiki listing for Hawaii Kai.

In reality, even in 1962, Hawaii Kai wasn’t exactly “new.” That same prime Broadway location had been a Polynesian-themed destination going all the way back to early 1940s, first as Monty Proser’s Beachcomber, then briefly as Lanai, before becoming Hawaii Kai in 1962. Through the ’70s and ’80s, Hawaii Kai advertised heavily to tourists visiting to see Broadway shows, luring them in with promises of a dizzying array of souvenir mugs, salt and pepper shakers, even teapots, an avalanche of logo’ed baubles that live on in tiki collections around the globe. The tropical dream at this address finally ended when Hawaii Kai closed in or shortly after 1989. One of its final flashes of glory came when it was used as a filming location for the 1990 movie Goodfellas.

Here’s a special bonus: Critiki member Fela also added a souvenir photo taken at Hawaii Kai, this one from 1979. You can’t see as much of Hawaii Kai in this one, but you can see a tropical drink, served in a pineapple. Whew!

Mahalo to ronsteve and Fela for sharing this bit of Polynesian dining history!

• Hawaii Kai in New York City [Critiki]
• Jade Island in New York City [Critiki]
• Monty Proser’s Beachcomber in New York City [Critiki]
• Lanai in New York City [Critiki]

One of the more beautiful things to come out of the tiki renaissance of the last couple decades is the re-emergence of tiki carving as an art form. A lot of that carving happens in Southern California, but excellent tiki carvers can be found all around the globe. Today I’m sharing an interview with one of the best out there, who can be found in the unlikely Midwest: Dave Hansen, who sells his carvings as Lake Tiki Woodcrafts, and who may be known to some as Lake Surfer.

Even if you’re not familiar with Dave Hansen’s name, it’s likely you’ve seen and admired his work. His carvings are installed at some of the best tiki bars in the world: Smuggler’s Cove, Hale Pele and especially Foundation all have Lake Tiki pieces—not as decor afterthoughts, but as meaningful showpieces in these immersive environments. His ability to render fine details and his beautiful sense of scale and balance come together in a distinctive style that has professional polish while still having the accessible, organic feel of classic tiki.

Humuhumu: When did you start carving, and what got you started?

Dave Hansen: June of 2002. I’m a surfer here on the Great Lakes, and I wanted a tiki. Naturally, living here in the Midwest, you can’t just get a tiki locally. And I had no clue where to get one since back then there wasn’t the internet commerce like today. So, one day I found a small log, grabbed a whittling knife and set out to carve a tiki. A month or so later, I found using a rotary tool was quicker and easier for a beginning carver.

Humuhumu: What was your next carving project?

Dave: It would be years later before I started getting commercial jobs, but that first year I did catch the carving bug and set out to carve tikis to sell at a yearly surfer’s party here on Lake Michigan called the Dairyland Surf Classic. The tikis were a hit, and I sold out. Many of my friends still have them! I have to admit, they were pretty crude compared to what I’m doing now!

Humuhumu: Which came first for you: tiki or carving?

Dave: Since childhood, I’ve always been an artist. It was a talent I honed through grade school, and my focus in high school was to get into a private art college. I succeeded in that, but my interests were in Graphic Design. Freshman year we were exposed to sculpture, so I have some background in that. But I had never really carved anything from wood until I started carving tikis. So it was like learning how to carve by looking at Polynesian and South Pacific art. Everything I do has been self taught through trial and error.

Humuhumu: What do you turn to for inspiration?

Dave: I discovered the online community of Tiki Central the fall of 2002 while looking for pictures of tikis on the internet. I was influenced by a lot of the early carvers on there… Gecko, Tiki Diablo, Basement Kahuna and Crazy Al. These guys were detail freaks and that fit with the type of work I was striving for. It was great sharing work on Tiki Central, critiquing and offering tips to each other. As I got better at my work, I spent hours poring over old books in the Arts Reference section of my central library. I wanted to do things no one else was doing. Things that no one else had thought of doing. And I wanted to do them in the old traditional style. To make my work look like the old carvings I’d seen in tiki bars around the country. The last 5 years I’ve been focusing more on Polynesian Pop and how to apply that to my work. I spend a lot of time looking at old tiki bar signage, matchbook art and menu art.

Humuhumu: What tools do you use?

Dave: A mix of traditional hand chisels and mallets, and also some power tools to remove wood and do detail work. I use a chainsaw sometimes just to remove wood and cut logs. I never really got the hang of chainsaw carving tikis and I’ve found that I personally have more control and detail carving big pieces with chisels and a mallet.

Humuhumu: What are your favorite things to carve?

Dave: I always like getting back to my roots once in a while carving a 4-foot tiki log, even though commissions for those are rare now. I love doing wall hanging tikis and masks.  Custom sign work is always a lot of fun, especially when the customer is open to me doing the design work for them. Lately I’ve also found a lot of joy in building intricate scale models of iconic signage from tiki bars and restaurants from the past.

Humuhumu: Where are some of your favorite pieces today?

Dave: I’m really proud of a large 9-foot log that I did for a car club here in Southern Wisconsin. To date, it’s the largest piece I’ve ever done, and I carved the whole thing in the span of a week with just chisels. I did a series of extra large tiki wall hangings in Poplar that I’m super proud of. There’s hundreds of carve marks on them, and the texture really adds a ton of character to each piece. Many of them reside in private collections now. There’s also a pair of 6-foot Marquesan poles that I carved from really hard Ash wood that reside at Foundation Tiki Bar. Those will always be memorable because their delivery was delayed a day by one of the worst blizzards Milwaukee has experienced. And I’m really proud of all the scale models of tiki bar and restaurant signs that I’ve done the last 3 years.

Humuhumu: What piece are you most proud of?

Dave: It’s kind of funny, but the piece I’m most proud of doesn’t even have a tiki theme. But it resides in a bar that has a New Guinea, Africa safari and travel theme. That would be Longitude of Oakland, California. I was approached by Lee, the owner of the former Lucky Joe’s Tiki Room here in Milwaukee to recreate a famous tiki theme mosaic for his bar. Since I had never done tile work, he asked if I could do one from wood. I’d never thought of anything like that. The result was spectacular, and as soon I posted pictures of it on Facebook, Suzanne of Longitude asked if I could create a large mosaic with a safari theme. I jumped right at it, and upon its delivery it was the final piece that was hung before Longitude opened for business. You can’t miss the mosaic, it hangs right above the doors to the bar. I’m very proud of that piece, and I still beam when I see photos of it.

Humuhumu: What’s your dream carving gig?

Dave: Of course it would be to be handed over full decorating duties of a commercial tiki bar! An opportunity to create and carve tikis, signs and wall hangings. I’d also love to tap into my past as a Graphic Designer and create menus, signage and advertising. I have been offered wonderful opportunities over at Foundation Tiki Bar here in Milwaukee, and that’s nearly been my dream carving gig realized. It’s always fun to work with Don Nelson on new projects and then enjoy my work when I visit the bar. Its really kind of become my portfolio of tiki decor. Working with Martin Cate at Smuggler’s Cove has been a blast as well as Blair Reynolds at Hale Pele. It’s so cool that a guy like me in the Midwest gets to have his art in bars way out on the West Coast. But I’d love to work with any new businesses that spring up. I’m ready to carve! I’d also like to have the opportunity to create for a solo art show at a gallery here in Milwaukee. I would really love to share my art with people who might not be familiar with tiki and Oceanic art.

Humuhumu: Do you have non-carving creative pursuits?

Dave: I still dabble in Graphic Design when asked. I’ve been known to create logos for folks, wedding invitations, etc. I’ve also started freehand painting more since so much of my tiki work involves painting.

Dave was born in Downey, California, and though he’s lived in Milwaukee his whole life, there’s still a lot of California in him: aside from tiki carving, he’s a surfer, skateboarder and snowboarder. He makes the rounds to present his art at tiki events all around the country. Dave lives in Milwaukee with his son, Riley, and wife, Jenni.

See more of Dave’s work at his Facebook page, Lake Tiki Woodcrafts, or get in contact with him at laketiki@yahoo.com.

Great tiki bars transport you to a different world the moment you cross the threshold… they simultaneously unnerve you by ruining your sense of direction, and calm you with an enveloping blanket of relaxation. That instant first impression, the one that takes your breath away and tells you that tonight, tonight will be different: perhaps no single factor is greater than the lighting. The dark turns ordinary corners into nooks and crannies to be explored and discovered. The dozens of dim light sources scattered in all directions and across the color spectrum paint an otherworldly view.

And then, some very confused person installs a television set.

How does it happen? How can anyone possibly think that what this magical environment needs is a television?

The Super Bowl.

Not specifically the Super Bowl, but any major sporting event. When these events happen, bars without televisions simply don’t see business. The staff hates working: no customers means no tips, which means practically no pay. The bar business is hard—no one is getting rich running these places—and a slow night is bad news. Panic hits, people feel like they have to do something.

A television is ordered. Two televisions. And the biggest cable package.

When they first go up, they’ll tell you, “Oh, it’s only for the playoffs. We won’t have them on otherwise.” I think they even believe it. It’s not true, of course. The televisions will be on, always, with no assessment of whether the customers are actually interested in watching them. The televisions will be on autopilot. They’ll play CNN when they aren’t playing sports.

The transporting magic of the space is shattered. The garish blue glow will be far brighter than anything else in the room. They’ll steal attention. Even if you turn your back, the inescapable flicker of light will cast everywhere, and your companion will struggle to keep their eyes off it.

It’s heartbreaking, isn’t it?

The bar business, it’s a hard one. The business owners have to make these difficult decisions all the time. If it truly is a choice between the bar having a television and the bar not surviving at all, of course we want to see the bar live. They’re trying to do their best under challenging circumstances.

So, here’s what you can do: if you’re not planning on watching the Super Bowl, spend the time supporting your local tiki bar. Try to tip a little heavier. Round up your friends. Don’t want to miss the game? Go after the game, go the night before, go the night after.

On any day, if you’re in a tiki bar, and a television is on, and it’s clear no one is there to watch whatever is on it: speak up. Ask if they’ll please consider turning the television off. You’d be surprised how often it works. If they get asked enough, they may stop bothering to turn them on. We can dream.

Take a moment to thank the people at your favorite television-free places for resisting televisions and providing such a lovely environment.

There’s a great Facebook page, Bars Without Televisions, that does what it says on the tin: it celebrates bars that don’t have televisions. Nominate your favorite local television-free bar, give it some love.

If you’re near San Francisco, Smuggler’s Cove is having a great event on Super Bowl Sunday: it’s a celebration of Steve Crane’s 100th birthday. Steve Crane was the Hollywood player who was married to Lana Turner and owned the Luau in Beverly Hills. He later partnered with the Sheraton hotel chain to open Kon-Tiki and Kon-Tiki Ports restaurants across the country. That’s where I’ll be!

• Bars Without Televisions [Facebook]
• Steve Crane’s 100th Birthday at Smuggler’s Cove [Facebook]
• Smuggler’s Cove in San Francisco [Critiki]
• The Luau in Beverly Hills [Critiki]

(Television photo by Scott Smith on Flickr, taken on the Tower of Terror ride. In that context, the shocking bright contrast and attention-stealing of the television set is intentional, and very effective. It’s exactly what you don’t want in a tiki bar.)

A couple days ago, Heydays Vintage TV reached out to my friend Jeff Kunkle, of Vintage Roadside, to ask an interesting question: how many of the old, vintage tiki bars are still operating in the U.S.? Well, now, like our earlier question about which still-operating tiki bar is the oldest, this got my wheels turning. In Critiki, I track the dates when places open and close, but it can be hard to find good info, so my coverage is sometimes imprecise and spotty. Further, I’d been thinking about how to better present that information at a glance. This question helped me gel some ideas on that front, and my first step forward can now be seen on Critiki. Any classic locations that are still operating now have a “CLASSIC” ribbon indicator in the corner, similar to the “HISTORY” ribbons that indicate locations that have closed. What makes a place “classic”? By my estimation, anything that opened before about 1990. In practice, almost nothing opened after, say, 1978. Anything that opened in the ’80s was overseas, and were the final echoes of the original Polynesian Pop craze, and I believe belong in that Classic era category.

Check out the Critiki Map for tiki in San Diego: it’s a hotbed of classic tiki! Bali Hai, Humphrey’s Half Moon Inn, Trader Mort’s, the former Hanalei Hotel, The Islands Restaurant… not all of it has survived equally well over the decades, but there’s a lot of history to soak up in San Diego.

In my mind, the newer places fall into two distinct eras: the early tiki revival, and modern-day tiki bars. Examples of early tiki revival bars would be Bamboo Hut in San Francisco, Otto’s Shrunken Head in New York City, and Purple Orchid Exotic Tiki Lounge in El Segundo. They may not get much attention today, now that we’re up to our eyeballs in modern tiki bars—but in the 1990s, these places were true oddballs, and kept the torches lit during what otherwise would have been a very dark time. They’ll always have a piece of my heart for that, and I’d like to help put them in context so people can appreciate the role they’ve played.

I have a bit of thinking to do about how I’ll choose to present the Classic/Early Revival/Modern era distinctions on Critiki. In the meantime, I hope the CLASSIC ribbons help you spot the longstanding treasures!

Oh! The answer to the original question? 74.

• Tiki in San Diego [Critiki]
• Bali Hai Restaurant in San Diego [Critiki]
• Humphrey’s Half Moon Inn in San Diego [Critiki]
• Trader Mort’s in San Diego [Critiki]
• Crowne Plaza (formerly the Hanalei Hotel) in San Diego [Critiki]
• The Islands Restaurant in San Diego [Critiki]
• Bamboo Hut in San Francisco [Critiki]
• Otto’s Shrunken Head in New York City [Critiki]
• Purple Orchid Exotic Tiki Lounge in El Segundo [Critiki]
• The Oldest Tiki Bar In the World [Critiki News]

Tim “Swanky” Glazner and his wife Stephanie Romer have an incredible home tiki bar in Knoxville, Tennessee—Hapa Haole Hideaway. But this article isn’t about their home bar, it’s about their vacation getaway, Follynesia. Follynesia is available for you to rent for your own spot of tikified beach respite. It’s in Folly Beach, South Carolina, just outside of Charleston. It’s in a great location, right on the main drag of the little beach town, and just a couple blocks from the Atlantic Ocean. It’s decorated with lots of Papua New Guinea and Polynesian Pop touches (including Witco stools turned into end tables), and a custom sign carved by Lake Tiki. Interested? Book it, Danno!

• Follynesia in Folly Beach, SC [Critiki]
• Hapa Haole Hideaway in Knoxville, TN [Critiki]
• Follynesia [HomeAway Vacation Rentals]

Hong Kong got its very own Disneyland a few years back, and with it, the Tahitian Terrace. Its namesake from the original Disneyland is long gone, and this new one doesn’t have its grandeur… but it does sport some bits of Disney throwback tiki, including casts of Anaheim’s Enchanted Tiki Room‘s lanai tikis, and of the water-spitting slit-drum tikis from Walt Disney World’s Enchanted Tiki Room. Mahalo to Critiki member Robin for nine new pictures! (While you’re at it, check out the seven photos Robin added to Honi Honi in Hong Kong, too.)

• Tahitian Terrace in Hong Kong [Critiki]
• Tahitian Terrace in Anaheim, CA [Critiki]
• The Enchanted Tiki Room in Anaheim, CA [Critiki]
• The Enchanted Tiki Room in Orlando, FL [Critiki]
• Honi Honi in Hong Kong [Critiki]

Texas has a new tiki bar! Howie’s Tiki has arrived in Spring, Texas, which is to the north of Houston, south of Conroe. After some awfully tiki-dry years in Texas, Houston is still celebrating the 2014 arrival of Lei Low, making this an exciting time to be a tiki lover in that corner of Texas. Owner Mark “Howie” Voros is aiming for classic tiki, with lamps from Oceanic Arts, appropriate music, and a drink menu of classic tropicals and modern inventions. Howie’s just opened this weekend; food service will start in a few weeks.

• Howie’s Tiki in Spring, TX [Critiki]
• Lei Low in Houston, TX [Critiki]

A few months ago, I wrote about a random 3 a.m. purchase I had made that turned out to be glorious: the 1968 barely-a-movie Kona Coast. I had no idea what the movie was all about when I made my late-night order, just that it was filmed in Hawai’i in the late ’60s. It arrived, I watched it, I loved it (it’s terrible, don’t get me wrong, but solidly in the so-bad-it’s-good camp). Invited a bunch of good friends over to watch it in the tiki bar, they loved it, and then we couldn’t stop saying “sheeesh” and “I’m Sam Moran, who the hell are you?” and we all wanted to wear a yellow windbreaker and white socks every day for the rest of our lives.

I’ve been doing this writing-about-tiki thing for 13-plus years now, and the second best thing* about it is that all these little bits and bobs get cast out, and turn out to be lures for other people who can fill in the picture, make the stories richer, more interesting, more real. In this case, literally more real.

A reader commented on that article the other day. He’s a longtime resident of Kailua-Kona where the movie was filmed in 1967, and he dropped a bombshell for me: the tiki bar within the movie, Akamai Barnes, was real. I’ve dug up a bit more, and here’s what I’ve pieced together: I already knew that Kona Coast was actually a pilot for a television series that didn’t get picked up (it lost out to a competing project, Hawaii Five-O). It turns out that Akamai Barnes was built for the production, and they just kept it open as a real bar when they were done. Makes sense: it would have taken a while for them to learn that the show wasn’t picked up, and if it had been, they’d still want that set. When it wasn’t picked up… Kona Coast star Richard Boone (perhaps more famous as Paladin from Have Gun, Will Travel) kept the bar running.

Some tidbits: a June 1968 Playboy article calls Akamai Barnes “one of the liveliest bars in the Pacific.” A Navy sailor remembers drinking at the bar in the summer of 1967, right around the time they were filming, with cast members, plus Boone’s friends Lee Marvin and Jonathan Winters. I found an interview with a local musician of the era who said he worked there from its opening for about five years.

So, you bet your sweet okole I’ve added an listing in Critiki for Akamai Barnes. That reader who tipped me off has added a photo of a painting he came across, a rendering of the outside of Akamai Barnes. It turns out the movie has a little cult following on the Big Island; another reader has now added his own wonderful review of Kona Coast on that Critiki News article. It’s been a fun few days.

* The first best thing is the people I’ve met. Awwwww.

• Akamai Barnes in Kailua-Kona, HI [Critiki]
• Tiki Movie Night: Kona Coast [Critiki News]

Thanks to Critiki member NautiTiki, Critiki has six new pictures of Elvis’ Jungle Room at Graceland in Memphis, Tennessee. The Jungle Room is a masterpiece of garish ’60s interior design, and is lousy with Witco. Legend goes that Elvis fell in love with this furniture at first sight, and bought the whole set as soon as he saw it in the local furniture showroom. I know that feeling, Elvis.

As luck would have it, Basement Kahuna has two of these Witco “Marco Polo” sofas, just like the ones in the Jungle Room, and he’s looking to get them into loving homes. Get in contact via Tiki Central.

• Graceland in Memphis, Tennessee [Critiki]
• 2 Witco Marco Polo Sofas!!!! The Holy Grail!!! Basement Kahuna [Tiki Central]
• Virtual Tour of Elvis’ Jungle Room [Critiki News]

Playing with fire + imbibing strong drinks: good idea, or great idea? Okay, so it’s risky stuff. Use your head, keep your fire extinguisher handy, and don’t do this after you’ve already been drinking. That said, here are some tips for optimal drama in your volcano bowls and other tiki drinks. Much of this was learned from Martin Cate of Smuggler’s Cove in San Francisco, where there is a lot of fire happening all night, every night. Martin and his wife Rebecca Cate have a book coming out this summer, Smuggler’s Cove: Exotic Cocktails, Rum, and the Cult of Tiki—you can pre-order it now!

Select Your Fuel

Often people will use 151 rum as their fuel. DON’T! Aside from being a waste of perfectly good rum, it doesn’t make a good flame. It will burn blue, which sounds lovely, but it’s very difficult to see and makes it dangerous, to boot. Use lemon extract instead: at up to 168 proof, it burns every bit as well, with a much more visible, orange, fire-y flame. And it smells nice!

Materials

If you’re using a serving vessel that already has a spot for flame, like a volcano bowl, then you’re set. But for more standard drinkware, you’ll need something to hold up your lemon extract. Some folks use half of a spent lime left over from juicing, and that’s great… but putting a crouton that’s been soaked in your lemon extract on top of that lime is even better. It’ll burn a bit better, be a bit tidier, and stand a bit taller. For extra fancy: lop the bottom off of a dragonfruit, and turn it into a little volcano. These things were made to be volcano inserts. There’s even a natural reservoir in its top.

Making Sparks

Fire! What could be better? Fire and sparks! You know those little shakers of ground cinnamon & cocoa you sometimes see at espresso stands? You’ll want one of those, with a mixture of ground cinnamon & nutmeg inside. If you sprinkle it on top of your fire, it’ll flare up, and a shower of sparks will rise. USE THIS WITH CAUTION: the fire can easily rise up several feet, so make sure you have the clearance you need, and use only a little bit.

Fireballs

If you look at video or photos of the Top Notch Volcano Bowl presentation ritual at Smuggler’s Cove, you’ll see there’s bursts of fire… I’m not going to tell you how to do that, because I don’t trust you to not burn your house down. I love you, but I don’t trust you. That said, if you look at those photos, you’ll figure out how it’s done pretty easily.

Straws

Straws are made of plastic. Plastic melts when it gets hot. Don’t lose sight of that in all the excitement.

Wrapping It Up

You’ll be tempted to enjoy your fire as long as you can… ooooh, pretttyyy… but it can get messy and stinky. Before you’ve got serious char happening, carefully blow out your flame, or move your fiery crouton into a glass of water with some tongs.

That’s all there is to it! Now that you have the power of man’s red flower, go use it. I’d love to see how you apply what you’ve learned: tag me on Instagram (@humusf) when you post your drinks! (And good god, please don’t tag it #tikiasfuck. You’re not Guy Fieri. Unless you are, and in that case, by all means, that is the tag you should use.)

Critiki member Robin added three gorgeous photos of tikis at the Bishop Museum in Hawai’i, and that was in my queue to tell you about with a Critiki News article… and then Critiki member codman went and added ANOTHER 306 PICTURES. Wow! Robin’s are beauty shots, codman’s are an exhaustive documentation of the breadth of exhibits on display at the Bishop Museum. Together, along with previous contributions from other Critiki members, they sure make the Critiki listing for the Bishop Museum beefy and delicious.

A fun side-effect of codman’s giant cache of photos: that was tooooo many thumbnails for the page to load, especially on a mobile device. So it spurred me to make a big improvement to how the page loads: it won’t download a thumbnail image until it’s actually time to display it on your screen. You won’t really notice, except for that now the page (and every other location page) loads WAY WAY WAY faster. Zippy!

Speaking of zippy, improved Critiki experiences: I’m taking codman’s photo-uploading marathon as verification that the new Critiki’s picture upload is easier than ever before. If you haven’t tried the new Add Pictures feature, and you’ve got pics of tiki spots from your travels or your collections, take it for a spin! Every location has a link to add your own pictures.

• Bishop Museum in Honolulu, HI [Critiki]
• Tour the New Critiki: a Look at the Location Page [Critiki News]

Let’s pay a visit to The Beachcomber, at the May Fair Hotel in the fashionable heart of London. The Beachcomber opened in July 1960, and was the creation of the Danziger brothers, Edward and Harry. They were New Yorkers and film producers who had moved to London and purchased the historic May Fair Hotel. Both the film industry and tiki bars share the importance of storytelling, just-so lighting, and set design; it’s not a strange leap that these Americans brought Polynesian Pop with them when they crossed the pond. In the hands of the Danziger brothers, Tiki landed in the U.K. in a big way, and it was incredibly successful: The Beachcomber opened years before the London Trader Vic’s opened (just a few blocks away), and the Butlin’s chain swiftly nicked the whole concept, name and all, from the May Fair.

Less talking, more tiki. Sit down and watch this British Pathé film, shot at The Beachcomber in 1963. It’s only four minutes, and every second is a dream. Full screen it. Get out your headphones, you’ll want to hear the soundtrack.

It’s hard for people today to understand that in this golden era, Polynesian restaurants were a high-class evening out. The Beachcomber in London is a great example. These places were fun, they were goofy, they were silly—but make no mistake, they were fine dining, with great attention to the details of service, food, drink, and presentation… and the environment was the first and most important gift to the guest. The way to really deliver in this world of tiki is to give more, never less. The world has no shortage of Milquetoast environments, what it needs is more people willing to go all out for their guests; that is the power and potential of tiki’s legacy.

Critiki has a new postcard and matchbook from The Beachcomber, thanks to Critiki member Dustycajun (he’s also the one who pointed me to the Pathé film of The Beachcomber). Mahalo, Dustycajun!

Something interesting to note: compare the brightness of the postcard with how dim and moody the film footage is. For both the film and the postcard, they brought in bright lights to capture these places on camera. You can even see stark shadows cast by the tiki at the rear left, and on the salt and pepper shakers on the table at the front left: those are from high-wattage standing lights brought in by the photographer. The postcards are always much, much brighter than the restaurants were in real life.

Want to see some more film footage of the Beachcomber? British Pathé also has 10 minutes of outtakes from the shoot.

• The Beachcomber in London [Critiki]

Robin and codman strike again, this time at La Mariana, the last standing classic tiki bar in Honolulu. Robin added five new photos, and codman added 26 more. Take a little Hawaiian vacation from the comfort of your desk chair, spend some time at the Critiki listing for La Mariana!

• La Mariana in Honolulu, HI [Critiki]